Ties That Bind Page 4

  She folded her arms to deny him access and watched his mouth quirk up in amusement. His eyes traveled slowly up her body until they met her own. Christina had always found his eyes so expressive. Right now, they were a mix of wariness and tender affection.

  The silence stretched between them and she grasped at courtesy to bridge the gap. “How are you feeling? What did the doctor say?”

  Riley shrugged and grinned. “Well, that’s half an hour of humiliation I could have done without. I had shots in my ass and they’ve given me some stuff to put on the wounds. That cat is a menace, Dina.”

  Despite herself, Christina laughed. “What can I say? Menaces are my specialty.”

  Riley half-smiled and then moved forward, so he was standing directly in front of the desk. Christina automatically took a step backward and his eyes opened wide in surprise, before narrowing. He audibly sighed and stared at her.

  “Go on, Christina,” he laughed, opening his arms wide. “Do your worst.” The expression in his eyes hardened and his smile was chilling, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. “You wanted me here, so here I am,” Riley snarled. “You have no problem telling me to go fuck myself in your letters and that’s all I’ve been doing, Christina, fucking myself, waiting for you.”

  Christina stared at him in confusion and pulled a face. “Why would you say that? Your… solitary activities have no bearing on this conversation and I did not tell you to go F yourself in my letters.”

  Riley tilted his bearded chin at her and his white teeth appeared through the hair. He looked slightly roguish and it emphasized his hostile demeanor. “You may as well have… Come on, get it all off your chest,” he challenged. “You said you wouldn’t communicate with me unless it was in person, so here I am. In person.”

  Christina stared at him in shock. He could be like a storm that arrived unannounced, all smooth sailing and calm, until it wasn’t. Then, he was a tempest unleashed. Riley was passionate in both love and hate, with no middle ground.

  She’d spent most of their life together negotiating his mood swings and it was second nature to her, but it still made her wary. Fighting with Riley was like wrestling with a wild animal. He had an intense, brooding temperament and if he felt transgressed, he would not hesitate to exact vengeance.

  In this regard, however, he was not the one trespassed against. She was. How dare he turn this back on her! He could have at least acted a little contrite, but he was too stubborn and arrogant for that. Damn him.

  Christina felt her face contort in frustration. Her mind went blank in the face of Riley’s onslaught. She should have expected he would use attack as defense, but like an idiot, she hadn’t considered it. All the weeks of misery and anger began to crowd her mind.

  Her heart rate increased and she did her breathing exercises to try to gain a measure of control, but she knew it was a lost cause. Bad words kept exploding in her head like obscene speech bubbles. “Gaaaagh,” Christina garbled, struggling for speech.

  She put a hand to her mouth trying to stop the inevitable, but it was too late. It was all going to seep out without the benefit of a filter, good manners, or even comprehensible English. Glaring at Riley, Christina gave into the inevitable shrieking, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

  Chapter Two: Coiled Rope

  Riley, Shanwick, Monday, November 5, 2012

  She was pissed.

  Riley stood with his head cocked to the side, glaring at Christina as she unleashed on him. She was ranting about things that he was having difficulty processing, but he’d focus on them another time. Like when he didn’t have a wild beast to contend with.

  “Why? Why here? Why would you drag me back to this place without consulting me first?” Christina raged. “I hate it here and I’m hated here. I was reminded of that fact the day I arrived back.”

  Wait? What did that mean? If someone had done something to Christina¸ he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.

  “Do you have such little respect for me that you would think what? I’d just suck it up and deal?” She screeched. “Do you even know me at all?”

  He was hoping she would tire herself out, but as her father once said, “Great lung capacity ran in the family.” Looking longingly at her cleavage, Riley conceded, she had big ones, and he wouldn’t be getting access any time soon.

  “You,” Christina seethed, jabbing a finger in his direction, “used Masssssson Glenn as your errand boy. Does it get any more insulting?”

  Listening to Christina’s verbal assault, Riley reminded himself that where she was concerned, there was no hesitation, nor boundary he wouldn’t cross, but even he had his limits. He knew he should feel bad about this situation, but he didn’t, because he’d done it for her, whether she appreciated it or not. He kept telling himself to be calm, but his eye was twitching and he’d had enough. “YES,” he shouted over the top of her, stopping her mid-rant. “I used Mason fucking Glenn as my errand boy to drag you back here. All of it’s true, Christina. Every single bit of it.”

  She turned toward him with eyes as dark as night. He’d always felt her eyes could bore straight through him and see into his soul. He could drown in those depths, but right now, he needed to be her life raft and not the other way around.

  “How could you?” she breathed and her eyes filled with tears. “Why would you? I… just don’t understand.”

  Taking a deep breath, Riley put his hands up. “I didn’t do this lightly. I did it and I knew you’d be angry, but I did it anyway. I knew you would react this way whether I spoke to you about it or not,” he jabbed a finger at her, “because you are a difficult woman. I hoped… hoped, somewhere that a part of you would trust me.”

  “I’m difficult?” Christina snarled. “What do you think you are, Riley? Easy going?” She stared at him and then her eyes opened in disbelief. “Oh-my-god. You do. You think I’m the difficult one. Why? Because I don’t do as I’m told?”

  Riley waved her comments away with his hand, but he did think that. She was difficult and challenging. He knew he was part masochist because he liked that about her.

  Sometimes, he felt as if he had to save her from herself: her self-doubt, trust issues and ability to believe the worst, were poisonous to her. She refused any kind of help viewing it as some kind of insult to her pride and independence. Reasoning with her when angry was near impossible and he had to negotiate what wasn’t being said more than what was.

  Riley remembered the first time he’d tried to get her to open up as a teenager. At first, she would give him almost monosyllabic answers with her arms folded, as if she was too frightened to say the wrong thing. With a microphone in her hand, she was honest, open, true, and soulful. Hot as Hades, confident, and fearless: the complete opposite of the reserved girl she became off-stage.

  He wanted her to be that girl all the time, encouraging her to open up, and let him into her mind. To his surprise, she was funny, witty, and smart. She was a strange mixture of naïve and insightful, strong and vulnerable.

  “Dina,” he said quietly. “You think I don’t know you? I know you. I know when you’re nervous, you babble and use trailing sentences that make no sense, but are as funny as hell. I know you wave your hands around when you’re embarrassed. I know when you find something funny, you laugh so hard you can’t finish your story. I know you’re living inside that head of yours expecting the worst, because that’s your safe-place. I might not know everything you’ve done in the last five years, but that doesn’t matter. I know you.”

  Riley knew their warring had made her distrustful of him. He had broken her trust by using her weak-points against her, but in his own defense, she was his weak-point. Love made someone uniquely vulnerable and he felt exposed against her.

  The silence in the room stretched out between them and Riley knew he should be grateful, but it indicated something else. She would be processing scenarios through her head that ranged from prescient to paranoid. Christina turned her head and stared at him for so lo
ng without blinking, that he thought she was trying to suck out his soul.

  “You,” he pointed at her, “drive me crazy. There is only one person in the world I’d put you and me at risk for. You. I did this for you.”

  He watched her blink rapidly to clear her eyes and he had to force himself not to pull her into his arms. Screwing her mouth up, Christina confessed in a shaky voice. “I don’t know if I trust you. I want to trust you, but I can’t. Not fully… Are you playing games with me? I don’t think I could cope, Riley, if this was just another game.”

  Riley felt his temper rise, but tried to get a handle on it. He hated she didn’t trust him, but he accepted he bore partial responsibility. In truth, if she knew everything, she’d run from him and never return.

  He couldn’t change the past, but he could make damn sure he built a solid foundation in the present for the future. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he prayed for patience. “I’m not playing games with you.”

  This needed to be done gently or it would turn ugly. He did something he didn’t want to do, but he could admit, even to himself, he wasn’t above going there: he tapped into her guilt. “Dina, you’re not the only one with trust issues,” he said quietly, staring intently at her.

  Christina’s head snapped up and her eyes looked haunted. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to turn this on me. I want to know why you’ve done this.”

  Riley sighed and confessed his truth. “I’ve brought you here to do a job, but really, I want to make sure you’re taken care of.” He watched Christina’s mouth drop open and her shoulders sag. He wanted to avoid hurting her any more than he had to because she was his girl, but he’d never been afraid of pushing her buttons.

  “Who said I need taking care of?” Christina demanded. “That’s preposterous-”

  “Andy James,” Riley snapped. “He told me that you were working yourself to death and not eating properly. I think his exact words were you ‘looked like a scarecrow’.” He’d probably dropped Andy into a steaming pile of the proverbial, but he’d sort the ethics of breaking the bro-code later.

  “Andy James has a big mouth,” Christina retorted.

  “Andy James is a good friend and cares about you,” Riley insisted. “And he wasn’t the only one. Bonnie was worried about you too-”

  “Bonnie,” Christina whispered in shock.

  “Yes, Bonnie,” Riley snapped back. “Bonnie, your best friend, soul sister and enforcer of the Witches Coven. And Mandy… and actually, your whole damn family.” Closing the space between them, he stared down at her. “I’m sorry for the method in bringing you back here, Dina, but I want to know… No, I need to know that you’re okay.”

  Christina wrung her hands, pressing her lips together, which was the opening he needed. Grabbing her, Riley wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He sat down in a chair, pulling her with him and onto his lap.

  Riley stroked her hair, breathing her in and kissing the top of her head. She was still tense, but he could feel that the worst of it was over. He pressed his face into her shoulder, waiting for her response.

  Christina leaned back into his arms, sighing. “I’m not some damn object, Riley,” Dina grumbled. “You can’t just drag me somewhere and force me to do things against my will.”

  Riley blinked, trying not to laugh. Her father had a tendency toward the double entendre and so did Christina. “Stop it, Dina,” he teased. “You’re making me hard.”

  She turned her face toward him with her eyes open wide and then she laughed. If he could make his girl laugh, he had a good chance of getting out of this semi-unscathed. He took that opportunity to plant kisses on her forehead, nose, and cheek.

  Christina wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He buried his face in her neck and mumbled against her throat. “Let’s work on those trust issues. Dina, you want in my life. You think I keep secrets? Well, this is it… or the start of it, anyway. It’s all in the files I’ve given you and I want you involved in my life.”

  **********

  Christina

  Nestled in Riley’s arms, Christina dared to hope. Hope was a luxury that she hadn’t allowed herself in a long time, but maybe this time, things would be different? The closer truth was that Christina was terrified of reaching for happiness with Riley.

  She understood she over-analyzed everything and should live in the ‘moment’, but she was worried. If this all went wrong, she didn’t think she could cope with one more heartache in her life. There had been too many disappointments for her to be free with her heart.

  Riley had always been braver than her when it came to his emotions. He was all or nothing, but the other side of him, the one that could be a formidable foe, made her wary. Breathing him in, she smiled. He had always smelled like home to her.

  Christina told herself that happiness was a choice and she needed to focus on the positives, not the negatives. They were both older and supposedly wiser now; they knew it was better to be with each other than without. You could actually choose to be happy. Except when she did that, she felt like somehow she surrendered her brain and good common sense.

  Mulling over her words, Christina opted for the basic truth. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of fighting with you. Truce?”

  “Truce,” Riley agreed. “Dina,” he murmured in a low voice. “Look at me.”

  She slowly turned her head so they were facing each other and she felt the familiar electricity. She stared into those green eyes with the gold around the irises that seemed lit from the inside. She’d always loved his passion and intensity, but it could consume her.

  “I set all this in motion before we were back together,” he whispered. “But I want you here with me. I need you here with me.”

  Christina smiled feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest. This made it different. “Well, that’s all you needed to say. If you need me, I’m here.”

  Riley tilted her chin up and kissed her on the lips. She grabbed his face, kissing him back passionately. She loved the way he kissed. No other kiss had ever compared or ever would.

  He kissed like he meant it and made her feel as if she was the only girl in the world. He was unforgettable and impossible to get over. When she felt his fingers at her shirt, she stopped him with a breathless and reluctant “No.”

  “No?” Riley stared at her, his brow furrowing in confusion. She could understand because she didn’t often say “no” to him, especially about sex. In the last few weeks, she had, however, learned to be cautious.

  “Not here,” Christina hissed. “Someone might be watching. I can’t be sure, and it doesn’t matter what I do, some stupid shot ends up of me on this horrible blog. Have you seen it? It’s dragged up everything: our teenage marriage, our divorce, and… and other things. They’ve even got a photo of me eating a hot dog and it’s obscene.”

  Riley pursed his lips and Christina could tell he was trying not to laugh. “I’d like to see that sometime,” he smirked. “I mean really like to see it.”

  Christina smacked him on the arm and he laughed out loud. Just as she was feeling relaxed, she heard Riley say, “Gabby played me the audio clip.”

  Trust Gabby. Gabby would have been salivating over the opportunity of embarrassing both her and Riley. “I’ve told everyone it’s a lie,” she whispered.

  Riley nodded. “Me too, but it was definitely us.”

  **********

  Riley

  “You know I get this,” Christina said, nodding her head. “Reconciliation is hard. I mean, we were married… there’s not a lot of mystery. We even shared the same bathroom.”

  Her horrified whisper of the word ‘bathroom’ appealed to Riley’s twisted sense of humor. Christina had been doing a rambling soliloquy for the last fifteen minutes, pacing backwards and forwards, waving her hands about. It was so familiar that he just watched in fascination as she over analyzed everything.

  It amused him
far more than it should have and he was trying not to laugh out loud, because it would be counter-productive to keeping the peace. Instead, he partially tuned her out and focused on other things like what she was wearing. He liked her in the tight skirt and shirt she had on, and the heels worked too.

  Riley had never seen her in ‘office wear’ and it reminded him of Jed’s ‘sexy librarian’ comments. It was a pity she was paranoid at the moment because he would like to explore her in that outfit and test how well constructed her desk was. “Christina,” he ventured, but she didn’t hear him.

  “Maybe we’re missing relationship steps you know?” She rambled. “Because this… This is also a new relationship, but it’s an old one. I don’t know. It’s confusing-”

  “CHRISTINA,” Riley stated more forcefully, watching her turn and stare at him. Her eyes came slowly into focus and she flushed a bit, looking chagrined. “There’s plenty of mystery, baby” Riley grinned, like how you can talk non-stop for fifteen minutes without pausing. “We’ll figure all this out as we go along.”

  He needed her to focus on the big picture and not meltdown over details that didn’t matter. Nodding his head at her and tipping his bearded chin in the air he winked. “Big picture, baby. We need to focus on the big picture.”

  “What is the big picture?” Christina frowned, folded her arms, and glaring at him. “Because you seem to be keeping those details close to your chest.”

  Riley knew where this was going and decided to cut her off at the pass. “Why don’t you come and stay with me at Lift?” He smiled. He hadn’t planned on this. Apart from a few visitors, when he worked off-grid it was a solitary venture, but he needed some time alone with her so they could re-establish their bonds.

  There was so much he wanted to tell her. He wanted to let her into his life – all of it – with no secrets, but not now, not when she had enough drama to contend with. If she was relaxed, he could reveal parts of his life to her slowly and then tell her everything when he knew she was ready.